Healing from a Break Up
Dear Therapist,  Relationships

Healing from a Break-Up

We've been together for 3 years, and things were going great. But then she broke-up with me while in lockdown. Her reason, that this lockdown gave her time to reflect on what she wants, and she realized that it was not me. This is probably the most hurtful break-up I've ever had, and I do not know what to make of it.

Heartbroken in Lockdown

A break-up is never easy, and I’m sorry you had to go through it. Break-ups often bring to surface a lot of confusing feelings from love, anger, loss, grief and hope. We often tend to replay the break-up and fond memories of it to understand why it happened. We believe that understanding the “why” will give us a sense of closure.

Our journey towards accepting a why often sends us on a spiral of self-doubt, replaying things, observations, and being stuck in the memory of the past. The past can be a cruel mistress and the future a tempting seductress, neither of which help us cope with the pain of today. Very often this manifests in us daydreaming of getting back together or scrolling through your ex’s social media profile. The feeling of a break-up is uncertainty, it is hopeful with the confusing and constant bargaining of the present. The only thing you need to do is accept and embrace that you miss her and her presences in your regular routine. This is dealing with the loss and pain of the present. However, acceptance and embracing also means working towards a better future for yourself, not just day dreaming of it.

However, it sounds like you already know your why. Your girlfriend seems to have spent sometime reflecting on the relationship, and it was something she decided she needs for herself. This is hurtful to understand and accept. However, acceptance is the way forward.

Acceptance is self-compassion. It fills the void, eases the confusion and helps move towards acceptance.

Meet your Dear Therapist…
Priyanka Varma Clinical Psychologist
She believes emotional and mental health care are at the very core of us experiencing happiness in our life. Her qualifications include a Masters in Clinical Psychology and in Counselling and Psychotherapy. Priyanka enjoys working with young adults and understanding life as it changes with intrusions like the internet and the pandemic. Above everything else her true love is homemade chocolate cake.

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