Starting therapy can feel like a huge step—one that’s filled with questions. "Do I need help?" "Can’t I figure this out on my own?" "Is something wrong with me?" It’s normal to wrestle with these doubts. But what happens if you make that leap into therapy and it doesn’t go as you expected? For many, it can lead to discouragement, even making them feel like they’re beyond help.
I’ve been there myself. My first therapy experience was far from ideal. My therapist came from a very different cultural background, and instead of focusing on my concerns, much of the session was spent explaining my cultural context. While I understand the intention to understand me better, it left me feeling unheard and emotionally exhausted. Eventually, I stopped going. The fear of encountering another mismatch kept me away from therapy for years, during which my issues only worsened.
Looking back, I see now that avoiding therapy wasn’t the right choice. That first experience was just a poor match, not a failure of therapy itself. If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember: a bad first experience doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you. It means that therapist simply wasn’t the right fit. So how do you know when you’ve found a therapist who truly aligns with you?
Signs Your Therapist Might Be a Good Fit
The most important factor in therapy is feeling comfortable. You need a safe space where you can be yourself, express your thoughts, and feel truly understood. This sense of emotional safety is the bedrock of effective therapy. Without it, the therapeutic relationship can’t thrive.
For example, many Indians feel a sense of hesitation when first engaging in therapy due to cultural nuances. In our society, where mental health is often stigmatized, finding a therapist who not only understands your struggles but also respects your background can make all the difference. A good therapist should listen, care, and validate your feelings, especially if you come from a context where emotions are often downplayed or misunderstood. A therapist who truly listens will make you feel seen and heard—this is essential for healing.
Another important sign is that they explain things clearly. When you first start therapy, the process can feel overwhelming. You might have questions about what’s happening or what to expect. A good therapist will guide you through this process and make sure you understand their methods and how they plan to help you. In an Indian context, where we often expect clear instructions and direction, this clarity can help build trust in the therapeutic relationship.
Your therapist should also be focused on your goals. Therapy isn’t about the therapist’s agenda; it’s about helping you address your concerns and achieve what you want. A therapist who collaborates with you to create and work on these goals demonstrates that they respect your autonomy and care about your growth.
Additionally, feeling respected is crucial. You should never feel pushed into something you’re uncomfortable with. A good therapist respects your boundaries and ensures that you’re progressing at your own pace. In Indian culture, where we often put the needs of others before our own, it can be easy to overlook our own needs. Therapy should be a place where your boundaries are acknowledged and respected.
Seeing progress is another key indicator. Therapy doesn’t promise overnight transformations, but even small steps in how you think, feel, or behave show that things are moving in the right direction. In Indian society, where instant results are often expected, therapy can sometimes feel frustrating. But don’t be discouraged—small progress is still progress.
Finally, a good therapist should both support and challenge you. While therapy should be a safe space, it should also encourage you to grow by gently challenging unhelpful patterns and pushing you towards meaningful change. This balance is essential for lasting transformation.
Red Flags to Watch For
If you ever feel ignored, judged, or uncomfortable during therapy, it’s time to reassess. Therapy should be a space where you feel heard and respected. If you sense that the therapist is not truly listening to your concerns or making you feel bad about them, that’s a red flag.
Unprofessionalism or a lack of clarity about the therapist’s methods can also be concerning. If your therapist doesn’t seem to have a clear approach or doesn’t communicate openly about how they can help, this might indicate a mismatch. Therapy should feel focused and intentional, not aimless.
If you feel like the sessions are consistently not addressing your concerns or are becoming too general, this is another warning sign. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all process. If your therapist doesn’t seem engaged with your specific issues, it may be time to find someone else.
Remember: Therapy is a Partnership
Finding the right therapist takes time, and it’s important to be patient with the process. Don’t get discouraged if your first therapist doesn’t feel like the right match. Therapy is deeply personal, and finding the right fit is a journey.
If your first experience with therapy didn’t work out, don’t give up. It’s a matter of finding someone who makes you feel safe, respected, and empowered to grow. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s okay to try someone else. Therapy is about partnership, and you deserve a therapist who understands and supports you in a way that helps you heal and thrive.
Therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about working together to help you understand yourself better and move forward in your life. So trust yourself, trust the process, and know that you have the power to find the support that works best for you.
